Harry Potter and the Brisket Loaf

So, I didn't get everything right on the whole 7th book thing, but I think I did get some stuff right. You know, like Dumbledore's dirty secrets, Lupin's reluctance to get all into Tonks, Ginny's methods for keeping Harry 'loyal' and er... well, I think my story was much better. So there. Although the whole Gringotts shit was kick-arse and from then on until the very end was well worth it. My only real complaint was the continuing stupidity of certain characters coupled with the huge periods spent camping - which was a stupid idea anyway.

Oh, and the lack of Robert Langdon and Iron Maiden. I do wonder when the new Robert Langdon book is coming out. Brown used to boast about how quickly he could write them and it's not like he has to spend much time working on the plotting. All he has to do is think of a stupid reason why the Masons want Langdon dead and that's pretty much the whole thing done.

Anyway, the original reason for writing this post was merely to point out a very stange anomaly in this post-DH world. Namely I've started getting reviews coming in from the pit of voles for the rubbish little Fred and George story I wrote as a kind of Brisket loaf teaser trailer. Not loads, but 2 in the last 2 days, which is more than I would expect for something no-one cares about.

That's it, really. Strange. Huh?

btw: x-posted to evil_underlord

fera_festiva is very fond of telling me a story about a Mills and Boon book that she once read in which the protagonists made a chocolate cake and then proceeded to have sex using this chocolate cake as a prop. At the end of this book, for any that would like to feel like the events portrayed within the novel were not completely out of their reach, the author had kindly included the recipe that the characters had used and enjoyed. This could even be seen as the 'money shot' of the book, and tells us certain things about the way in which Mills and boon is marketed.

Now, while I know that the 'novel with recipes' format has been used by a number of different writers in a number of different styles, from South American magic realism to East End WW2 family saga, I wanted to bring this particular novel to your attention as a sort of marker, a gauge to see just where I'm aiming in my intentions as a purveyor of prose.

Yeah, I did once make an ill-fated attempt to get the submissions guidelines for Mills and Boon, but I'm not really good enough for even them.

Anyway, as you might have guessed from all of this preamble, at the beginning of the week I did it, I actually made a brisket loaf, and ate it for dinner, and it was lovely. I like brisket, see, as well as being unhealthily obsessed with it, I also think that it is a very nice, very underrated cut of meat. I buy it pre-rolled from my butcher and make sat beef out of it and it is some of the best salt beef you might eat. If I do say so myself. And add to that my new meat grinder that I got for christmas and, well, a certain kind of meatloaf had to be made...

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This one's even shorter and even more disjointed than the last, and I didn't even write all of it, so I've got no excuse. The thing is, I know that this is going somewhere, and it is kind of getting to that place, but in a very off-kilter manner. Writing it, which I am doing every now and then in between other projects, reminds me somewhat of reading Titus Alone. You know that there is some intelligence controlling it, but it's all over the place. And scarily so. Except that I'm nowhere near as cool as Mervyn Peake.

Disclaimers: I don't own any of this, all of the characters belong to JK Rowling, the situation belongs to Stalin and the words are all Doctor Johnson's.

Exciting Feature! This installment comes with a guest writer. The brilliant fera_festiva is responsible for the opening segment involving the Prisoner, Sirius Black.

( And I watched you change into a fly...Collapse )

So, fera_festiva has been claiming for ages that she's going to put up her icon series that she's been making. But she hasn't. However, by means of a daring raid and at great risk to my personal safety I have managed to secure copies of the Brisket Loaf related icons in the set, and here I am posting them for you, because as we all know, information wants to be free, and the internet is the best place for it to be so. And because I like you. A bit. Just remember, I lost a whole squad of marines to bring these back. All cut up into gory little pieces that fell apart in a bloody mess by one of those laser grid things. Really nasty.



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Hark!

fera_festiva has made an icon based on this here fic. Why not steal it, credit her and show the world your love of childish swearing and tit gags. It's the one in this here entry. Apparently there's some more coming when she finishes her stick figure icon series, so soon you'll be able to steal those as well.

Party.

Short and shit and not even that rude. But containing a few fandom-topical gags. Or at least gags that were brought back into the fandom's all-seing public eye again a few weeks back, and so are probably not fandom-topical at all anymore. Still contains characters from the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling as well as the books of Dan Brown, and as such are not owned by me. Still keep my ear to the street, still not loving police, still got as much of that canon action going as I can, although this is set in the period before the books where there's not much info to be going on.

( I've got the eye of the tiger, with Tony beside me...Collapse )

Lots love y'all.

Coming Soon!

Harry Potter and the Brisket Loaf: First Blood - The Prequel: Because There's always An Excuse.

Before Hogwarts there was St. Christopher's primary school, there were mysteries to be solved, pink custard to be eaten and a visiting professor from an American university.

Hey all, Just a quick note to say that this fic's sister fic has been updated.

Harry Potter and the Ocarina of Time. Read it. Now!

the first bit ishere as well.

Hey there people, and this is probably because I'm drunk and all, but I had a thought. Which is. If I reorganise this a little bit and then opened up the membership, we could have a great little place to bitch and rant. And discuss various types of meat as well. I don't know, drop a comment if you think that its a good idea. Or not. I'm easy.

Peace out.

So, I found out from fera_festiva about the drabble-matic that's been doing the rounds, and well, I had to do a Harry Potter and the Brisket Loaf one. ( And so here it isCollapse )